Tradeshowgate 2014. What really happened at the National Restaurant Association show in Chicago?

A lot has been said about me the last few days and I’ve gotten support and criticism from people all over the country.  It’s hard to know what really happened from just a snippet of a story in the newspaper, so I thought I’d share the details with all of you here.

I certainly didn’t go to the convention with the intent to cause any kind of trouble and anyone that knows me would definitely confirm that.  I’m far from a troublemaker!  I did go to the convention to attend the once-yearly educational sessions and check out the tradeshow, which is really valuable to our business.  

Here’s how it all went down.  Believe me, this is far less dramatic than you’re probably imagining.  The aftermath for everyone else to debate was a much bigger deal, it seems!

I attended last year with my parents (and no kids, since my two older children stayed home with my husband) and the entire weekend was incredibly valuable.  We learned about trends in the wine industry, what consumers were currently looking for and how to improve our business over the next year.  We also made some really valuable connections that could not have been made without attending the show, including meeting wine buyers for national restaurant chains.  We loved the conference and were excited that we had made the decision to attend.

This year, we planned to go to the annual show for months in advance and were very excited about attending and being a part of the International Wine, Spirits and Beer show.  This was a really big deal for us!  I had worked with show coordinators for several months beforehand and then created all of the marketing materials we would bring.  I also talked to media contacts that would be attending to be sure we could meet up with them there.  Because my baby was due right around then, we decided to play it by ear and see how I was feeling.  My husband and my mom would attend regardless, but we’d wait to see how things were going with the new baby.  

The group was planning to leave early Saturday morning and on Friday evening, I decided I would attend too.  I was feeling great, my baby was thriving and everything was good.  In fact, I was excited that I would actually get a few days of rest while there (anyone with older children knows what I’m talking about)!  We packed up and headed out early the next morning.

After arriving in Chicago, we headed to the show.  I put my 10 day old baby in a moby wrap (a baby carrier/sling), he snuggled close to me and slept, and we started our work for the day.  In the first hour alone, we talked to some great people and were finding tons of info for our business.  We discussed things like chairs and online marketing programs. I stepped out to feed my baby in the hallway and when I walked back in, the security guards smiled at me, commented on the tiny, cute baby and let me walk right past without any trouble.  A few minutes later, someone tapped on my shoulder and told me that I would need to leave.  I was surprised, because I didn’t know what the problem was and like I said, I’m far from a troublemaker!  They walked me back to the security guards that I had just passed and they notified me of the rule that no one under 16 was allowed.  The man actually said to me, “can’t you just leave him with his dad all day tomorrow?”  They then walked me out the door.  The security guard assigned to walk me to the door was actually kind and felt awful. I called my family and they met me at the door.

We talked to a few people at the registration desk who told us we could speak to the National Restaurant Association managers.  We walked to a different floor, waited awhile and talked to a woman who informed me of the rule.  Because she told me that it could be a safety issue, I asked if I could attend just the education sessions.  She told me that I would not be allowed anywhere at the conference.  We then left the show and headed back to the hotel and went out for a nice dinner (where they actually brought champagne to the other members of the group to celebrate a new baby joining us!  Go to Senza if you’re ever in Chicago!).    

So, that’s the story.  Not too dramatic, huh?  Was I disappointed?  Of course!  Did I put up a fight?  Definitely not.

I’ve noticed a few questions that several people seem to have had about the situation, so I’ll also answer those.

Did I know about the “no children” rule when I attended?

I honestly did not.  Like I said, I attended last year, but didn’t have a nursing infant at the time, so it wasn’t an issue.  This year, I decided to attend about 12 hours before we drove there.  I’ve attended all sorts of things with a nursing infant and have never encountered an issue before.  In the article, I’m quoted as saying that I knew about the rule and still asked if I could stay.  Yes, I knew about the rule after I was escorted out of the building!  I asked management if I could stay after the security guards informed me and when they said no, we left the show with no further issues.

Couldn’t someone else have attended in my place?

Well, no, not really.  We’re a small business and I’m the only one who does what I do.  Everyone else has different roles in the business.  I was going to attend the educational sessions pertinent to my area of expertise, while others went to theirs.  Many people have asked why my husband didn’t attend in my place.  He did attend, but he’s a winemaker, not a marketer.  He was busy pouring wine at the show (which I did not do and did not plan to do, because I had my baby with), while I had planned to network, pick up marketing information and attend the classes.  It’s a big deal for us to attend shows like this and see what’s happening in the industry and also what’s coming up in the year ahead, so I didn’t want to miss this once-yearly show.

Why didn’t I leave my infant at home?

Any breastfeeding mother out there knows the answer to this one. I'm no crusader. I left my other boys with sitters when it was appropriate. But this baby was 10 days old and the American Academy of Pediatricians does not recommend giving a bottle to a breastfed infant at this age.

There are knives and open flames at the show!  Couldn’t your baby have been injured?

I was in a trade show talking about some pretty mundane things.  There were no cooking demonstrations near me or sharp knives at any time (in fact, I never saw either of these things at any point).  It’s disappointing that people don’t give a mother the benefit of the doubt that she wouldn’t put her infant near these types of things anyway!  My 10 day old was pretty stationary, so reaching for things, crawling or putting things in his mouth is not going to happen.  I could understand their rule though so when I spoke with management, I asked if I could attend the education sessions.  They gave the same reasoning.

Are you ‘generic internet person?’

This is the only phrase I can think of to describe how people seem to treat each other when we’re separated by a computer screen.  I’ve been on the receiving end of some of the nastiest things ever said to me or about me.  I’m typically very kind to people and don’t cause much of a stir.  I’ve found this week that it’s easy to judge when you don’t know the whole story or if you don’t know the person.  I get that, but I hope that some of these people don’t typically treat online strangers this way and certainly not people they meet in their everyday lives!  When I’ve replied to the personal messages sent to me, I’ve been quick to get an apology.  I’m sure their emotions about an issue  just took over and they thought of me as a faceless stranger.  The emails below were not just online commenters on an article or blog, but they sought me out personally to send a message.

SELF-ABSORBED PRICK! CALL A NANNY NEXT TIME!

I sent him a reply email and shortly after, I received this:

Im very sorry I didn't mean to insult u

or this one:

Buy a breast pump and find a reliable local sitter.  Expecting an entire trade show to cater to your infants feeding schedule again is ridiculous. And frankly sub par parenting.  

I sent her a reply and shortly after, I received this:

I am very sorry.  My email was thoughtless and completely out of place and caused you hurt.  Thank you for kindly responding.  Again I am very sorry.

The apologies were really nice to receive and meant alot.  I hope people can realize that when you’re yelling at a stranger on the other side of the computer screen, that it’s still a real person.  

Why do I think I’m so special?  

I don’t think I’m anything special, but I do think babies are pretty special!  As a society, we’ve made some great strides in making breastfeeding possible for so many women (laws regarding nursing in public places, laws regarding pumping/nursing in the workplace, etc.) and I guess I’d never encountered an issue with this in my day to day life before.  Everyone has always been so tolerant and supportive of an infant’s need to be with their mother.  People have also inquired whether I would take my baby to work with me and yes, I do every day!  That’s why we started this business.  We wanted to run a family friendly business and we do!  I’m so lucky to work with my family and our great staff!  We’re extremely supportive of nursing mothers that work with us also.  If you’ve visited us before, you’ve probably seen us with one of our children!

I was contacted by Good Morning America, CNBC, CBS News, Chicago news stations and papers from across the country and England.  I wasn’t interested in taking the issue further because honestly, I was home with my children at that point and didn’t want to engage the people that this seemed to upset so much.  I learned that people feel very, very strongly about this matter!  I’m pretty non-confrontational, so, like I said, I was on the receiving end of some of the nastiest things I’ve ever heard in my life.  Over what?  I asked someone if I could keep my baby with me and stay, they said no and I left. But I also received some of the nicest messages from people all over the country!  They were kind and supportive and really thoughtful.  

Here are some of my favorites:

• Wishing you all the best, Mama! And I am so very sorry that you were treated this way in Chicago. You and your baby were doing the right thing!

• I come from a family of farmers.  My mom was a farmer and so was her mom.  They lived and worked their farm though WWII and the Civil War in Greece.  My grandmother had 7 kids, all of which she carried on her back at some time in the fields.  By the age of 5, my mom was up at dawn getting the kindling and starting the fire to prepare the daily meals for the family and the field workers, most of the time on her own.  When my sister and I came along, my mom still worked (though in Chicago) from 6am-9pm.   
   
  Now I am a working mom and I understand the love and agony that comes with it, especially with a newborn.  But we are working women and this is what we do.  We work for our family, to leave our kids a legacy and to teach them that work is valuable and worthwhile for so many reasons.  This is especially true of farmers and winemakers when your work involves the whole family and it is something you breathe and touch and nurture every day.
  
• I would argue her treatment — from the trade show officials to Twitter, where the 31-year-old Osborne is also being pilloried — represents all that's wrong with this country.  I would argue that from the moment their infants are born, moms — parents, really — are given a stew of messages so conflicting and contradictory that "mixed" doesn't even begin to describe it.
• We are so thankful and grateful to you for being such a good example in this world that so often makes us choose between our work and out kids. Hopefully things will change before our daughters are having babies.   I just hope you have a wonderful baby carrier to keep your hands free as you work! 

• I just read about your disappointing trip to the convention in Chicago.  As a mom who nursed her kids while working, I took them everywhere with me.  The way you were treated in McCormick Place is reprehensible and the staff there was so narrow-minded.  Clearly none of their wives worked and nursed at the same time.   If they did, I am positive what you experienced would not have happened.

I can't even imagine driving down here so quickly after having a baby, being a mom of two older kids and then going to a trade show.  You are a strong, wonderful mom.  Please know the rest of Chicago is much more open minded and real when it comes to nursing moms.

• In these economic times, this woman should be commended for trying to put food on the table and achieve the American dream. Certain conservative pundits have called maternity leave a "racket". In a country that doesn't seem to value unpaid caregivers or maternity leave in the first place, I'm surprised this woman isn't being hailed a saint for putting work first.

What a week!  Thank you everyone for the support and nice comments.

Kristin Osborne